sym_antares

Well, to be honest, this sort of thing is why I signed up here. I, like many of my friends, have seen and been reduced to tears of laughter by the (in)famous Mr. Welch's List. In homage to Mr. Welch, I have composed my own list in the same spirit: a compilation of stunts, tricks, and general craziness/stupidity that have gotten me in trouble to some degree or another while gaming. As per the spirit of the original, I have pulled all of these at least once, and been told not to do so again.

And so, I am happy to present:

Sym's List (of things I am no longer allowed to do)
1) Not allowed to commission a pistol that costs more than a sedan.*
2) I'm not the Juggernaut, b---h!
3) I cannot empty a Quiver of Endless Arrows.
4) Not allowed to make an archer that needs an FO for his longbow.
5) No matter how much I modify it, a crossbow cannot fire 20 shots in one round.
6) "Gatecrashing" does not mean knocking down the portcullis...
7) and then using it as an improvised weapon.
8) My turn in combat is not Hammer Time.
9) The floor does not say "Shyoryuken!"
10) "I win--Fatality!" is a bad finishing line. Even if I did just put the guy at -30 HP with one hit.
11) Not allowed to play a young orphaned dragon.
12) Or any dragon for that matter.
13) The heavy repeating crossbow is not "my little friend."
14) Not allowed to use the Jackhammer for target practice.
15) My gun does not have its own zip code.
16) No using the demon prince as a battering ram.
17) Not allowed to invent the shotgun.
18) My gnome alchemist is not allowed to have any unidentified liquids.
19) Even if the rules allow it, no putting barding on my pet wolverine and riding him into battle.
20) "Montezuma's Revenge" is not the hot new club drink.
21) Not allowed to redefine "explosive diharrea."
22) The Mokole does not make Pac-man sounds.
23) Cannot substitute Demolitions 3 and C-4 for lockpicking skills.
24) Even if the rules allow it, my Warforged cannot have a Buster Gun.
25) Or a Z-Saber.
26) A Jack-in-the-box with a spiked guantlet in it is not a child's toy.
27) (as GM) Even if the noob ticks me off by insisting on playing Yugi, not allowed to show him a REAL white dragon.
28) (as GM) I do not have Tiamat on speeddial.
29) Not allowed to call the demon prince the Queen of Hell, no matter how flaming he is.
30) Not allowed to call the elven paladin Prince Charming, even if he is royalty with a 20+ Charisma.
31) If we are trying to not be noticed, I should refrain from throwing a flashbang into the breakroom.
32) I cannot set my swords on 'Puree.'
33) A first-level illusionist cannot defeat the King of Ravenloft in one turn.
34) Not allowed to wipe out half an army with Phantasmal Terrain.
35) Mind flayers make bad calamari.
36) The bard cannot play "Ready, Steady, Go!" to inspire courage.
37) The bard cannot play the theme song from "The Pink Panther" to improve stealth rolls.
38) No inventing the landmine.
39) Not allowed to set off the intruder alarm on purpose because the job is too easy.
40) Not allowed to invent biological warfare.
41) When entering the necropolis, not allowed to give the Reaping Mauler bottles of blessed salt.
42) My deck does not contain THE ARRAY.
43) No matter how funny it is, replacing all the buildings in my main base with anti-aircraft cannons just before the other guy's airfleet arrives is just wrong.
44) Not allowed to quote Twisted Metal while playing Starcraft.
45) Not allowed to recreate scenes from Stargate SG-1 in Starcraft.
46) The gnome ranger's nickname is not "Doc."
47) If the mere thought of it costs others sanity, I am forbidden from doing it.*
48) Not allowed to short out the 'microwave' trap in White Plume Mountain by throwing an earth elemental into it.
49) Even if I'm the elemental.
50) If the ninja runs out of energy before ending the spell, he does not stay invisible forever.
51) If killed by a Shadow Demon, I cannot just change my character's name and say I'm playing his Nobody.
52) I cannot play the 1812 Overture with warhammers.
53) I am not to refer to my Heavy Bolter as a "doorknocker," "noisemaker," or "skeleton key."
54) There is a limit to how many weapons I can attach to my power armor.
55) Not allowed to invent Ride Armor.
56) Not allowed to use a CS Grunt as a yo-yo.
57) No matter what the canon tells me, Transformers are MDC.
58) As much as I thought otherwise, reanimating a dead body with its original soul is not the same as ressurection.
59) Downloading the entire catalogued knowledge of an ancient alien race to CD is cost-prohibitive.
60) Do not call the monk Goku, even if he is.
61) Do not call the ninja Naruto, even if he is.
62) Do not call the demon's mother Jenova, especially if she is.
63) Torching a room full of brown mold---bad idea.
64) 52-Pickup with a Deck of Many Things---BAD IDEA!!!!
65) Not allowed to stake a vampire with a pine tree.
66) Bigby's Grasping Purple Nurple is not a real spell.
67) Bigby's Hoisting Atomic Wedgie is not a real spell.
68) Even if the rules allow it, I am not to combine Eldritch Chain and Manyshot.
69) Not allowed to run a deck that requires the judge to be called every turn.
70) Not allowed to rename every monster in my deck on the grounds of who they look like.
71) Even if he gives powergamers a bad name, not allowed to polymorph someone into a Munchkin.
72) I should not assume I have made important and powerful political connections in every possible timeline.
73) If I become Emperor of Earth, not allowed to run background checks on all of my underlings.
74) Even if physics say otherwise, I cannot kill 80 people at once by shooting lightning into the water.
75) No matter what science tells me, a block of scrap metal in the barrel does not stop a microwave cannon.
76) Quick Draw and Two-weapon Fighting does not allow me to quad-wield pistols.
77) Not allowed to pour Sovereign Glue into the fighter's sheath while he is cleaning his sword.
78) Not allowed to cast Unfasten on the other guy's armor in the middle of a fight.
79) Not allowed to cast Unfasten on the prince's belt while he is speaking in public.
80) Time Stop and Delayed Fireball should never be combined.
81) No inventing weapons that make the GM flinch.
82) Offering a black dragon a breath mint is not a great idea.
83) We don't talk about the Tokyo Incident.
84) I should not attempt surgery until I have dots in Medicine.
85) I cannot collect cursed items "because I'm bored."
86) If I'm the reason that two feuding races come together as allies, it can't be as a common enemy.
87) If the JUDGE asks "can you do that?" I probably can't.
88) The number of dots I have under Enemy does not necessarily mean the number of countries I'm no longer welcome in.
89) Do not print "Compensating for Something" on the half-dragon's greatsword.
90) Do not print "Canned Justice" on the paladin's armor.
91) I cannot call the paladin Lawful Stupid, even if he is.
92) Psychotic Evil is not a real alignment.
93) Even if he's wearing Flaming Guantlets, the monk's battlecry is not "FAL-CON PUNCH!!!"
94) The monk cannot yell "Shin Goken Satsu!" when using flurry of blows.
95) The monk's victory line is not "Sous."
96) My battlecry is not "Leeeroy Jeeenkinnns!"
97) I do not have the Skill: Weapon (demon).
98) Not allowed to redefine "Boom Box."
99) The cyborg's battlecry is not "resistance is futile."
100) My Matter Mage cannot be a blonde cyborg kid in a red coat.
101) My master thief cannot take a level of sorcerer just to get a crow familiar.
102) The archer is not allowed to shoot blindfolded, even if he's just being a good sport.
103) Shocking Grasp has no place in an interrogation, no matter how effective it is.
104) A rocket launcher has no place in a standard spelunking kit.
105) When starting an interrogation, cannot ask if they want to do it "the easy way, or the fun way."
106) Shooting a Staff of Fire out of a ballista, while effective, is prohibited.
107) After I turn someone in for a bounty, it doesn't look good to help him break out of jail.
108) Regardless of my alignment or current mood, not allowed to just leave the terminally stupid thief in the dungeon's basement.
109) Not allowed to save the thief from the city guard, then turn him in that afternoon for the reward.
110) Calling Cerberus a nice puppy will not stop him from killing me violently.
111) No matter how clueless he is, no plotting a character's death while he's standing right in front of me.
112) When a player is handed an old NPC to save time, not allowed to keep secrets about my involvement in said character's past.
113) Not allowed to pretend I'm keeping secrets about my involvement in an NPC's past.
114) Not allowed to use my character concept as an introduction.
115) Throwing a flashbang into a group of Gremlins is funny, but wrong.
116) Not allowed to Gate an angry demon to Mechanus, even if both he and the Formians have pissed me off.
117) No making snowcones out of an ice elemental.
118) No matter what my strength roll, a gargoyle in flight cannot tow a fully-crewed galley.
119) No casting Ghost Sound on the party's pet shark.
120) If three low-level characters provoke a church's entire army to come after us, then subsequently decimate said army, something is wrong.
121) Gate is not the best spell to fight a dracolich.
122) I did not find the Necronomicon at Barnes & Noble.
123) A giant can opener is not my weapon of choice for fighting a golem.
124) In the future, I will make absolutely certain whether they said "de-buff" or "re-buff."
125) No intimidating intelligent items.
126) Even if I was told to tank, don't show up driving a Panzer.
127) No matter how big a jerk he is, do not place the Aggressive Glyph so that the gambler is directly in the middle of its AoE.
128) My martial artist cannot taunt his enemy with "your Kung-fu is not strong."
129) "Leopard Steals Dragon's Pearls" is not a real Kung-fu technique.
130) The new guy does not have to wear a red shirt for his first mission.
131) If we wind up in the house from 13 Ghosts, I am not to start playing the Ghostbusters theme song.
132) My spirit shaman does not see dead people.
133) My vampire hunter does not kill dead people.
134) Do not ask the wizard where he keeps his mana rig.
135) Or his breeding pit.
136) Do not reply to new orders, "With all due respect, SCREW YOU!"
137) When asked if I am armed, "not as far as you know" isn't the best answer.
138) "Didn't I kill you?" is not the best way to greet a 4th gen vampire noble.
139) If we've been invited into Cobra HQ, don't prank call Duke or Snake-eyes.
140) Before accepting a job from a secret organization bent on world domination, make sure it doesn't conflict with my standing contract.
141) If a contract says I get to field test new weapons, make sure to have a clause that I am not responsible for them spontaneously combusting.
142) A 9-iron is not my weapon of choice for fighting kobolds
143) When fighting koblds, my battlecry is not "FORE!"
144) Accusing the pyromancer of spamming will likely get me a fireball in the face.
145) Not allowed to give the dwarf an Amulet of Tastiness before fighting a dragon.
146) I cannot kill a cyborg with a fridge magnet.
147) Not allowed to start a bar fight out of boredom.
148) Or because of tradition.
149) Just because I can level a building, doesn't mean I should.
150) Not allowed to subsitute a barbarian's rage for Disable Device.
151) Adding new doors to a building is best left to liscenced professionals.
152) The captain of the guard is not going to believe that I'm a "modern art redecorator."
153) A Bag of Devouring is not to be used as a garbage disposal.
154) The verbal component for Reverse Gravity is not "going up!"
155) I cannot yell "Shadow-clone Jutsu!" when casting Mirror Images.
156) The artifact that will most likely destroy the known universe when damaged is not the best thing to try my new attack on.
157) Even if I can use Kamehameha, cannot change the name of the game to "Dungeons and Dragonball-Z."
158) The berserker does not go Super Saiyan.
159) The warlock does not know Chidori.
160) I do not know Headhunter Jutsu.
161) I do not know Human-shield Jutsu.
162) Cannot kill someone by holding a Bag of Holding over their head and turning it inside out.
163) Not allowed to strap a set of Ring Portals to a Shield of Arrow Catching.
164) Attaching bear traps to my shield does not give me extra damage on a shield bash.
165) On second thought, an angry wolverine in a Bag of Holding is not a good present.
166) The words to activate the ancient artifact are not "now, light our darkest hour!"
167) If the GM asks "can you do that?" I KNOW I can't.
168) When investigating evil cultists not allowed to just torch the decrepit mansion from the outside.*
169) Any statement that leaves at least half of the group speechless (or in shock) should be retracted immediately.
170) We will not follow any plan that was inspired by Indiana Jones.
171) Not allowed to disable a cannon by breaking a Tanglefoot Bag down the barrel.
172) Do not cast Grease on the tree our thief is trying to climb.
173) (as GM) Not allowed to rig every door in the dungeon with explosives.
174) If a character is obviuosly not going to figure out the puzzle, don't let him beat himself senseless trying.
175) If the gun doesn't fit through the X-ray machine, it doesn't go on the plane.*
176) Especially if I've already broken it down and packed it.
177) I do not work for the REPO department.
178) Before using my demon heritage to intimidate someone, make sure I HAVE demon heritage.
179) "I've seen this movie" is not a valid excuse for refusing orders, even if I have.
180) Juggling knives to amuse the crowd is okay. Throwing them at random audience members is not.
181) Juggling fireballs to amuse the crowd is fine. Throwing them at random audience members is not.
182) When the wandering hero's little sister shows up, don't take her to him until we find out why he left her behind.
183) I am not Randalf the Green.
184) Fastball Special is not a real Dual-Tech.
185) Not allowed to parade through a drow city cheering "Drizz't! Drizz't! Drizz't!"
186) When the demon asks "Who's your daddy?" I should not reply "you."
187) Even if I spend the points AND properly role-play our first meeting, I cannot take the Council of Wyrms as an ally.
188) The earth elemental does not say "Hulk Smash!"
189) The dervish does not look or sound like the Tazmanian Devil.
190) No matter how appropriate it is for the scene, not allowed to play Dragonforce when facing a major villain.
191) There is no rule, written or unwritten, that says I must abuse every loophole I can find.
192) If I find that the GM misunderstands a rule, I am not to take advantage of this fact. For four campaigns in a row.
193) If we're not playing Star Wars, I cannot build a lightsaber.
194) If we're not playing Final Fantasy, a ribbon does not protect me from status effects.
195) I am banned from using time magic for a very good reason.
196) I cannot shut down the target's security system by pressing ctrl+alt+del.
197) My hacker cannot open a chat window in real life.
198) Telling people my fighter used Con as a dump stat will raise some questions.
199) If I think that the dungeon's boss is behind the next door, I will not start looking for a Save Point.
200) Or a Statue of Althena.
201) Maximized Fireball is not my fallback tactic.
202) Not allowed to quote Kingdom Hearts unless I'm playing a Gatekeeper.
203) The Gatekeeper is not allowed to quote Kingdom Hearts.
204) The Gatekeeper does not get a staff shaped like a giant key.
205) Killing The One doesn't automatically make me The One.
206) I do not have 6 ranks in Disable Plot Device.
207) Keep the klepto droid away from the blacklist tech.
208) Ventriloquism is not to be used for starting a barfight.
209) My gun's default setting is not Liquify.
210) I should avoid using weapons that do more damage to the party than to the enemy.
211) If they get a bonus to spot my gun with a geiger counter, I can't have it.*
212) When I find out about a zombie invasion, I will not just head to wal-Mart.
213) When told I can consult my attorney, do not talk to my gun.
214) Not allowed to check for traps by throwing the rogue at the chest.
215) Not allowed to play "Crash the Economy."
216) When wielding Keen-edged swords, my battlecry is not "it slices, it dices..."
217) Not allowed to turn off Danger Sense just because it's giving me a migraine.
218) I can't complain if I get ambushed because I turned off Danger Sense.
219) Even if I have the maximum level of Superspeed, no running to China just to get takeout.
220) There will be no betting on whether the new guy survives the dungeon.
221) Remote-controlled Thermal Detonators are only funny so many times.
222) When I get to the custom weapons creation section, I will keep turning those pages.*
223) The paladin's weapon is not a "Holy S--t!" Sword.
224) Not allowed to kill a paladin with his own holy sword, even if I'm a warlock.
225) Calling the demon prince "Seth-iroth" will get the whole group after me. Out of game.
226) The Shield Guardian is not a "Walking Can of Whoopass."
227) I don't get experience by hiding outside until the monster kills itself.
228) I don't get experience or treasure from anyone in the army we set a demon lord on.
229) The thief will not refer to himself as a "wealth redistribution specialist."
230) Rescuing a slave just to turn her in to my REAL boss for a bigger reward is frowned upon.
231) I'm not the Brute Squad.
232) After a brutal battle to retake our castle, I will not force the enemy survivors to clean up the mess.
233) A proper warning to the party is "there's a boss here," not "there's a leak in the room."
234) Vampires are not "Boil-in-the-Bodybag."
235) I cannot set up us the bomb.
236) Even if I have unlimited Ice Blasts, I cannot use them to build a bridge.
237) Boots of Horizon and infinite Spider Climb on the same character is begging to be abused.
238) I am never again to barricade a door with a 50-pound block of C-4.
239) No matter how easy it is, I am not to screw with the newbie's head until he has a mental breakdown.
240) In or out of game.
241) The disappearance of the ancient item of power and the sudden increase in my money had better not be related.
242) I will not try to kill Formians with Raid.
243) Bug-Off does not keep stirges away.
244) Lock-picking does not involve a mattox.
245) Saving the cute girl's life does not grant me 'Heroic Immunity' to the next attack.
246) Welding the door to the mad scientist's lab shut is not likely to stop his rampaging creation.
247) Not allowed to cast Bull's Strength on the coffee.
248) Not allowed to cast Evard's Black Tentacles in the coffee.
249) No thinking up new, creative and fun uses for cursed items.*
250) Crossing Warhammer 40k and Resident Evil gets messy.
251) I will not use Silent Image to put a "Shoot Me" sign in big glowing letters above the paladin.
252) If the epic wizard ever finds out what happened to his dagger, I hope that he just kills me.
253) I cannot win a tournament by timing out the match with an infinite loop. (no really, they ban you for trying)
254) Putting on a Ring of Regeneration, an Amulet of Damage Reduction, and insulting the barbarian's mother is not the easiest way to reach a third-floor window.
255) If the entire party says "No!" at the same instant, I should probably rethink the plan.
256) I am no longer allowed to suggest landing coordinates to friendly aliens.
257) One-shotting an enemy soldier does not automatically give me an intimidate check on the rest of them.
258) Try not to make the GM cry two sessions in a row.
259) Even if it is an Exalted game, three first-level characters should not be able to wipe out an army.
260) Any action causing the powergamer to storm off, while actually appreciated, is frowned upon.*
261) The paladin cannot Smite Stupid.
262) The wizard CAN.
263) I do not get a bonus to Diplomacy for making an offer they can't refuse.
264) The security code for my ATT is not up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, b, a, start.
265) Bigby's Forceful Spear is not to be used as a flyswatter.
266) Or as a doorstop.
267) If the demon tried to kill me first, it really doesn't matter if he might be family.
268) The gunslinger's name is not Cero.
269) My main weapon for fighting Gremlins is not a Halogen flashlight.
270) Even if they are twins, we will not call the dervishes "The Ginzu Brothers."
271) My finishing line is not "control, alt, delete."
272) Apparently, Shocking Grasp can be used as a defibrillator.

* Taken directly from Things Mr. Welch is No Longer Allowed to Do in an RPG
here's the link
http://theglen.livejournal.com/16735.html